Of course I would get only what I deserve

क्षान्तं न क्षमया गृहोचितसुखं त्यक्तं न सन्तोषतः

सोढा दुःसहशीतवाततपनक्लेशा न तप्तं तपः।

ध्यातं वित्तमहर्निशं न पुनर्विष्णोः पदं शाश्वतं

तत्तर्कर्म कृतं यदेव मुनिभिस्तैस्तैः फलैर्वञ्चितम्॥

शिल्हणकृते शान्तिशतके

kṣāntaṁ na kṣamayā gṛhocitasukhaṁ tyaktaṁ na santośataḥ

soḍhā duḥsahaśītavātatapanakleśā na taptaṁ tapaḥ|

dhyātaṁ vittamaharniśaṁ na punarviṣṇoḥ padaṁ śāśvataṁ

tattarkarma kṛtaṁ yadeva munibhistaistaiḥ phalairvañcitam||śilhaṇakṛte śāntiśatake

Patience, abandoning cozy domestic life, tolerating the misery from cold wind and hot fire, one ended meditation on some object… These are all the observances undertaken by Sages in their bid to realize the Supreme one.

The patience of the sage is out of great character, they abandoned their households happily because they had attained renunciation. They did penance on the face of biting cold and scorching fire, to realize the ultimate one. And their one ended meditation was directed ever towards the Lotus Feet of Lord Vishnu.

True, they realized what they sought too. They realized the ultimate.

I too kept patience and forbearance because I was weak and I had not capacity to retaliate. I left my household not happily but because I was simply thrown out. I had to suffer cold and heat not because I was doing penance but because I had no shelter. And my one ended meditation was not on Lord Vishnu but just on the ways and means to earn money somehow or other.

Therefore, even though I too followed the activities of the sages and saints I was denied the benefits of such life. Of course I would get only what I deserve.