Economics and Sociology of marriage, especially Iyer marriage

Thousands of words have been spent on the social and other issues which mar or block he chances of boys faring well in the marriage market.. A lot has been said about horoscopes. . I don't know to what result..

I understand that the brahmin psyche.. especially the migrant brahmin psyche that took the present shape of excessive cautiousness is a major factor behind the problems..

We will write well, articulately, quote extensively from shastras, invoke deities from Shiva to Saibaba.. but most of that exercise is performed by a peripheral and unsure mind..

It is true that most human beings are unsure about themselves and the external show of confidence is usually a facade.. It is more so among we pattars..

First we are basically timid or at least would prefer to walk away from friction, even if that would cause some mild to serious disadvantage to us. ..

Second, we were never that affluent but were adepts in comparison..and our aim in life always has been to show off.. trying to prove that each one is better in some way than all others.

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This is an impossibility, which we can never come to terms with..

So the female or rather her parents, cannot think of a person who is financially less sound marrying her.. The present day crisis is exacerbated by the fact that while people flush with IT cash think too much of themselves, the lesser endowed are sliding into a realm of indecision and even depression.. and the society supports this.. Instead of comparing jathakams and trying vociferous quotes from scripture.. both relevant and mostly irrelevant, the community will fare better if some genuine soul search is made..

I trust that a few decisive and right actions would be better than millions of posts in Social media, or discussions during feasts and banquets..

Brahmins have done it earlier.. Even in the most conservative background.

One example is the codification of Pithru Karyams.. effectively done by Vaidyanatha Deekshita.. Many cumbersome and practically inoperable provisions in our acharams were done away with.. and ever our spiritual gurus readily agreed to such things..

There were many such reformers.. It is time we started in those lines...

It is heartening to note that and we are blessed that, very young and eminently knowledgeable gurus have been consecrated in Kanchi and Sringeri.. They can guide us..

But the kind gurus will not come and tell us.. we have to submit proposal s before them..

And that should be the real tribute the Pontiffs of Kanchi and Sringeri rather than posting cut and paste eulogies in facebook.. or conducting eating sprees in the name of religion..

the trouble starts when mothers or mother in laws or fathers or father in laws who are worn out or tormented by health and mobility problems are persuaded or even forced to do chores.. and the youngsters for whatever reason they may put forth, simply use threats and abuses and shower their frustrations on the elderly people,, simply forgetting in their own selfishness that the old people have already lived their lives and they require some peace to be their own selves even though those selves are clumsy..

I am not persuded much by activist and self-justificatory slogans..

Children, as a matter of rule, never hesitate to apply emotional highjack on the hapless parents.. either as children or youth..

THE WRITING IS CLEAR ON THE WALLS..

anyone is free to make pious proclamations..

But I reserve my right to express my views on the basis of what I have seen and felt during my long life..