Do I believe in God...? I really do not know..

Do I believe in God...? I really do not know..

If I am to visualize God as some thing which will mitigate my sense of failure,

a thing which would reduce my pain,

a thing that would provide a soothing balm for my wounded psyche,

if it is a thing which would hold a promise that all that I have yearned and coveted for the long sixty years

would be given to me in a platter..

I know there is no such God..

Every moment in life,

every gain or loss, has happened, has come and gone, never to repeat or return...

But when I hear the chimes of a temple bell,

when I hear the chant of Veda or Bible or anything that is read with complete faith in the Supreme being,

when someone recounts the story of Krishna or Skanda or any Divine being with sincere fervour,

when someone sings the praise of Radha and Madhava as in Gitagovindam..

some special part in my own being is stirred ,

my feelings are excited,

I am driven to laughter and tears and sometimes even anger beyond control..

For me that feeling is God.. Krishna or whatever it is..

No expectation.

no adulation,

no admiration,

but a sense of momentary union with something beyond the world..

that is my feeling of God..

When someone describes the pranks of the other Krishna of Brindavan or Dwaraka,

that toddler seems to appear in a hazy manner before me,

making me eager to hug Him,

making me request Him to dance on my bare chest....

That is just God for me...

He has no special use for me,

but He has a lot of sense for me...

No help is required of Him. or requested of Him

and I do not have any belief that He will give me anything even if I beg...

BUT LET HIM JUST AFFECT MY FEELING AND SENSIBILITIES OR LACK OF SENSIBILITIES FOR AT LEAST FLEETING MOMENTS..

iS IT GODLINESS OR IS IT MADNESS OR A COMBINATION OF BOTH?

Gaayati Vanamaalee... Madhuram Gaayati Vanamaalee..

गायति वनमाली मधुरं गायति वनमाली