How marriages were arranged in those days.. a study from Valmiki

How marriages were arranged in those days.. a study from Valmiki

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We know Rama and Laksmana visited the capital of Videha.. Mithila where king Janaka was keeping the bow of Shiva..

and it was a famous wager that Janakas beautiful daughter Sita would be given in marriage only to the person who performed the superhuman task of tying the string to that bow..

It was already a fact that neither humans, gods or demons were ever able to even just lift the bow.

Sage Visvamatra, who had taken the boys to Mithila just asked Janaka to show the bow to the boys..

First, when the bow is brought in Vishvamitra just tells Rama to have a look at the bow..

Rama takes further permission from Visvamitra to touch and handle the bow..

and after being permitted, he lifts the bow with ease and when he bends the bow to tie the string, the bow just breaks in the middle..

Janaka is overjoyed and he is eager to give Sita in marriage to Rama..

But things cannot be done in such a hurry..

He discusses the matter first with his own Purohita, Sage Satananda,

and both seek the direction of Visvamitra and beseech the Sages permission to send missives to Dasharatha with the news..

Here what Janaka stresses in his message to Dasharatha is that he is sending messengers after being permitted by Visvamitra

and that the boys were under the safe tutelage of the Sage..

The ministers of Janaka reach Ayodhya and deliver the message to Dasaratha..

The messengers just wait for the reply..

Dasharatha, does not decide anything by himself..

He sits in consultation with his purohita Sage Vasishta..

Only after getting proper directions from Vasishta, Dasharatha decides to travel to Ayodhya..

And even before Dasharatha started the Priest Vasishta and the ministers and Sages Vamadeva, Jaabaaali, Kashyapa, Markandeya (the ever sweet sixteen sage) and Katyayana, travelled ahead of him.

While matters are thus proceeding in Dasharathas side,

Janaka also is not prepared to take decisions all by himself..He first discusses about the proceedings with his priest Satananada..

Then he feels that he should decide anything only after discussion with his younger brother, Kushsadwaja..

So Janaka sends people to bring his brother, and it is only after having a thorough discussion with his brother, a meeting with Dasharatha and his ministers is arranged to discuss the alliance..

Even during the marriage negotiation, Janaka gives an equally important place to his younger brother.. during the talks..

It must be noted that at that time only the alliance for Sita was being discussed..

Later on, Janakas daughter Urmila was suggested for Lakshmana, and Kushadvajas daughters Mandavi and Shrutakeerthi were betrothed to Bharatha and Shatrughna..

And it is the preceptors, Satananda, Vasishta, and more impotantly Vishvamrita who lead the negotiations..

And when it came to the marriage function, it was Janaka who presided over the marriage of all the four daughters.. there was hardly any discrimination about Janakas daughters and Kushadvajas daughters..

This was how families worked in India..

Marriages were between families.. and all friends, well wishers and elders had their role to play.. and marriges could be solemnized only with the consent of all the preceptors..

Of course, perceptions about this can vary keeping the present milieau of human transactions at present..

But when I read about such proceedings in Valmiki Ramayanam, the sense of commitment that people of thoses days kept among themselves was touching the heart.

Now we rarely find such warmth..

Those days Hindu or Indian marriages were not just between a man and a woman..

It was between a family and a family, a state and a state..

And the honour or each constituent was at stake..