I really do not know how to pray

I really do not know how to pray..

Of course I worship God in the way I know, or have learned by reading and observation..

But somehow I never could bring myself to request the Supreme one to grant me something special..

I do not know whether it is pride, or hesitation to suggest or thrust some decision on Him..

I never pray for myself.

But I am rather foolish in one way..

If I see someone in difficulty or if someone asks me to pray for his well being, invariably I take the requests to God every day when I do my pooja and every time I stand before god in a temple..

I know I am not a saint or godman or a guru who brokers some deals between God and the devotee by assuming that he is an agent or a middleman of sorts..

I am not even sure whether God will care for me or my prayers, either for myself of for anyone else..

But still I do that..I do pray

And with passing time my list is quite long..

Some prayers appear to have been answered or maybe things happened just in the routine course..

There again uncertainty prevails.

And many in the list have hurt me and I have felt that I was not right in taking up their matters in prayer to God..

But I could not ever strike off any name from my list..

So, in fact, i would be reciting so many names of my friends and relatives in the presence of an idol in the temple or in the pooja rather than chanting His name..

I really do not know whether I am unstable in mind or actually mad in being so..

But it has become a habit over the years.. Now there is no return..

But sure, I never ask anything for myself.. If God is pleased let him grant me whatever he likes..

Pleasure or pain it is His gift or prasadam..

Yes, people use the words,' I shall pray for you', "God bless you" etc as ornamental lip movements..

But somehow, if and when I say so , I ensure that I remain true to my words..

It is another thing that God might be too busy to listen to a useless fellow like me..

But there is no other guide in life for me except God.. Krishna..What to do?