What I really did not realize all these years- all these seven decades

 

What I really did not realize all these years- all these seven decades and more- makes a lot of meaning to me now.

My father was a simple person. He was a staunch believer in God, and he was a stickler to rituals as a Brahmin, but he did not have much knowledge of Sanskrit or Vedas.

I remember, he would perform Ganapathy Homam at home every Friday, all days during Navaratri, and on all the days in Karkitakam. In addition, he would try to find some excuse to perform Ganapathy Homam on other days too citing some auspicious occasion.

The finances for the family were not encouraging and to spare cash for a coconut and ghee and jaggery and other things so often for that ritual was a real strain..

For this simple reason, I have in fact heard other family members (including often me) protest about it many a time.

And from the first day of Thulam every year, till the Thaipoosam day in Makaram, he would wake up every day in the morning at least two hours before sunrise, and chant Gayatri mantram thousand times and also the Moolamantrams of our family deity, the Pazhani Andavar.

Until his last year of life, he continued the tradition of carrying adimai kavadi to Pazhani for Thai poosam.

His health was indifferent, and he knew, and we did not know that he had a heart condition. Still he would climb the whole steps upwards and downward while visiting the hill temple of Palani.

He was alive till I was about thirty four, and his finances never really improved nor he was materially blessed during his lifetime. In fact he left a very young family of three girls too when he passed away.

And sadly, though it must have been my duty to continue his traditions, I could never hold on to them. An occasional pooja or a Homam or a temple visit was that all I could do.

I have been wondering- what did he achieve in his life?

He was so possessed of blind faith in God, even to the extent of neglecting his own health and other comforts?

In fact, life was a daunting task for my middle-aged mother and me when he left. Sadly, mother too has left two years ago, but she was lucky to see their clan flourish.

I have to confess that I used to curse his neglect of material things and the callousness of God when He took my father away at a very awkward stage for our family.

However, was it waste?

He left behind fine children, who have risen fairly well in life and now he has seven grandchildren who are all doing well, all on their way to brilliance. In addition, so many cute great grandchildren too.

We the children were rather worldly, though the basic faith that God was there to watch us and even preserve us through thick and thin always clung to us, and it was not at all bad.

He did never see any of his grandchildren, and did not even see his own children doing fairly well in life.

Now, looking back after a lapse of almost thirty-eight years, I have no choice but to believe that his unshakable faith in God has worked for us, his family.

When compared to him, we the children would appear to be materialistic and lacking in faith..

However, the investment in faith he made just sustains us.

Faith in God is really rewarding. If not for us, then for the generations to come after us.

Do I need more evidence for that? I think it is not necessary.