gothra rules, pitu karyams

 

Our gothra rules are essentially patrilineal.. And our conduct is governed by sutras.. Sroutha, Dharma, Grihya and Sulabha of various sages. For example the four sutras prescribed for the Yajurveda smarthas who form the majority of Palakkad and Tamil Iyers, are those of Apastamabha.. Another sootram very near to Apastamabha is Bodhayana.. Which also relates to Yajurveda.

In general there are two types of relatives in patrilineal order.. The father, grandfather, the great grandfather and their horizontal male siblings in general would constitute Sapindas.. And at some stage these people will be sharing pindams. This relationship is very close. Then comes the samaanodhakas or dayadhis.. ( considered in a loose way) who can extend up to seven generation.. [And even more generations according to some sages Manu says Sapindas is seven generations up and down, and samanodhaka is when, even belonging to the same gothram, the generation gap is so huge that the name of the common ancestor is not known.. ( here the common ancestor is not the pravaram)]

The sapindas, and if possible the samanodhakas too form a joint family, and when some death occurs, they are all expected to be in grief and they are supposed to gather together under one roof and kitchen nearest to where the Paashanam ( the stone) invoking the dead persons preta is invoked.. The family is supposed to observe ten days pula or theettu, and on the tenth day, in addition to the sons of the deceased, all the relatives upto seven generation are expected to offer water drenched in clothe and thilam at the pit where the pashanam is placed.. The people of lesser age than the deceased should have vapanam or haircut too.

So the rules for the paternal relatives are very clear-cut;

For relatives from the maternal side, no tarpanam is done. No vapanam.. and the maximum days of aashoucham is three days.. The period may be less for cousins.. These are also prescribed in shastras..

Most of the rules are prescribed by shastras, but many such rules have been relaxed by great souls like Vaidyanatha Deekshita.

Now we may not be able to reach scholars who have mastered the sootras of Apastamaba etc.. But we regulate our conduct according to the practices established by traditions and this may vary from family to family .. But the basic rules are the same.

the attasradham or aabdeekam is considered equivalent to sapindeekarana sradham.. and it is a part and parcel of the Shodasha Sraadhams..

That way it has to be performed by the eldest.. who did the sapindeekaranam..

But now the attasradham is only conducted as a parvana sradham.. So the argument that brothers living taking food in different kitchens should do sradhams separately is also valid.

But the reasonable conclusion appears to be that the attasradham has to be conducted by the eldest..

As a social rule the partition of properties among brothers is done on the Shubhasweekaram day after the atta shraddham..

So the siblings are supposed to meet together for the maasika, etc sixteen sraddhams and the sodhakakumbham ceremony preceding them and perform together..