When someone dies all the near and dear are supposed to show sorrow.. in fact they were even expected to offer tarpanam with til and water.. but then that was gradually restricted to Sapindas..
We have to express sorrow, and show sorrow too.. It is supposed that the preta actually watches it and feels even pleased when people grieve over it..
The respect for the departed soul as per our scriptures extend to all near and dear, friends, servants and even non human friends as in the case of Jatayu.. as revealed by Rama..
The expression should be that I too am sad, I share the pangs of death.. Shoshuchat.... etc..
It is not sure everyone reaches akshaya punya loka.. It is all according to their Karmas..
There is no mourning when a Yati dies.. No one should condole..
And you can take a bath on hearing the news of a death of anyone who is dear to you..
If you are talking about social niceties, then this post is not very relevant..
Mixing of Vedic and scriptural needs with western practices can only create some asamanchanam.. or a mule..
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