Lack of Selfishness

09-12-2006

Lack of Selfishness


I would seem to put to this group something that is too personal and not relevant to the group at all. If you feel so, please ignore this.Today Our marriage completes 19 years. I do not propose to use this forum to send a message to my wife because she will never see this, and she is not interested in groups or in computer either. I just thought how a typical Iyer woman spends her life even today. It was no romantic or idyllic match for us, but a match more dependent on idlis and dosas. But she was absolutely faithful in spite of the eccentric fellow that I was, with ungodly duty hours. If I am to leave for work on a day at 3A.M., she would wake up at 2A.M and cook a small meal for me, and when I return home 24 or 48 hours later again at a time when only ghosts will walk along the road, she will be waiting for me. I am not an attractive or charismatic man, and by any standards an under-performer.( I often wonder she would have abandoned me had she not been a typical Brahmin Mami ). She is in fact more educated than me and she earns sufficiently for herself through her job. We have a boy of 18 years who is as bad a devil as me demanding too much from his mother. Silently and happily she does everything. What I wrote above are personal. But I feel her attitude in life has been shaped like this because she grew up in a Brahmin family in a typical agraharam where human relations count a lot and reading Dale Carnegie or Stephen Covey is not necessary to learn the basics of life, but the advise of an old grandmother or great grandmother is taken as the gospel truth.I write this as a tribute to every Brahmin woman who builds up her exclusive world around her little family and can make it a heaven or hell (God forbid!) by her actions. Sure, Brahmin life is very different from others even in these modern times. Whatever we learned for thousands of years cannot be unlearned in a few years of ultramodern life. We men will brag and debate on various issues but the rock-like platform is provided by our own faithful (if I may be permitted to say, faithful to a fault) females. Thanks.

It is now five years later.. but I have had no reason to change my views...rather they are reinforeced.  I am just republishing the above post...even without editing it for spelling mistakes if any. 08-01-2012   K V Ananathanarayanan

It is further eight  years later...  I have absolutely no reason to  change my views  in any way.. 
kvananthanarayanan

these four can make or mar you

सुहृदि निरन्तरचित्ते गुणवति भृत्येऽनुवर्त्तिनि कलत्रे।
स्वामिनि सौहृदयुक्ते निवेद्य दुःखं सुखी भवति॥११०
विष्णुशर्मणः पञ्चतन्त्रे मित्रभेदे॥
suhṛdi nirantaracitte guṇavati bhṛtye'nuvarttini kalatre|
svāmini sauhṛdayukte nivedya duḥkhaṁ sukhī bhavati||110
viṣṇuśarmaṇaḥ pañcatantre mitrabhede||

If one can explain  about his own woes and sufferings to 
 (1) A friend who is always having genuine concern and  undeterred love for the former, 
(2) a faithful servant who is of good character  
(3) a wife who is understanding and accommodating, and 
(4) A boss  who has reasonably good heart filled with sympathy for his subordinates, 
 the agonies can be mitigated and he can be expected to lead a hassle free life.

Here one has to remember  a selfish friend,  a wayward servant, a wife without any concern for the husband and a callous  boss individually and in combination, could the cause of all agonies one has to face.

 Our whole  lifetime is almost fully shared by these four.

A so-called  friend who can double-cross on you at the drop of a hat can seal your fate.  
But a faithful friend will espouse your case in any forum and bring you succour. 
 A good servant is one who would willingly keep aside his selfish interests for the welfare of the master. 
 But servants who have joined you just to ensure your annihilation are a common sight. 
This  also applies to subordinates in the managerial hierarchy.  
The one person with whom one has to share his life in all its aspect is his wife.  

If the views and attitudes of the wife are at loggerheads with his own peace of mind, it is better that the victim abandons normal life and go to forest to live the life of a mendicant. (Chanakya has said.. "Maatha yasya grihe naasti bhaarya cha priyvaadinii  aranyam tena ganthavyam yadaaranya tato griham...if  one is not having his mother at home and the wife if not favourably disposes, he can shift his residence to forest all alone, since forest would definitely a better abode under the circumstances") .

If one is blessed with a master who is understanding most of the former's problems in life are gone for ever.  
But if the boss is a nagging one always holding on to the principle that the role of the  Manager to find fault with the subordinates and  just pass on the bucks to them, the employee's life turns into a veritable hell.  
The heat of this inferno ought to have been felt by men in all professions and avocations at some point of time.

സുഹൃദി നിരന്തരചിത്തേ ഗുണവതി ഭൃത്യേഽനുവര്‍ത്തിനി കളത്രേ।
സ്വാമിനി സൌഹൃദയുക്തേ നിവേദ്യ ദുഃഖം സുഖീ ഭവതി॥110

വിഷ്ണുശര്‍മ്മണഃ പഞ്ചതന്ത്രേ മിത്രഭേദേ॥

വിഷ്ണുശര്‍മ്മയുടെ പഞ്ചതന്ത്രം എന്ന കൃതിയിലെ മിത്രഭേദം എന്ന ഭാഗത്തില്‍ നിന്നാണ്  ഈ സുഭാഷിതം.  നമ്മുടെ  ജീവിതത്തില്‍ എല്ലാ സന്ദര്‍ഭങ്ങളിലും പ്രസക്തമായ  കാര്യമാണ് ഇവിടെ പറഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്നത്‌.

ഒരാള്‍ തന്റെ വിഷമങ്ങളും പ്രശ്നങ്ങളും
 
തന്നോടു വിശ്വസ്തതവും അടുപ്പവും എപ്പോഴും വച്ചുപുലര്‍ത്തുന്ന കൂട്ടുകാരനോടോ 

കൂറും സത്യസന്ധതയും ഉള്ള ഭൃത്യനോടോ 

വിഷമങ്ങള്‍ മനസിലാക്കാനും
പങ്കുവയ്ക്കാനും മനസ്സുള്ള നല്ലവളായ ഭാര്യയോടോ 

തന്നോടു അനുകമ്പയും തന്റെ നന്മയില്‍ താലപര്യവും ഉള്ള മുതലാളിയോടോ 

കൂടെ പങ്കുവയ്ക്കുകയാണെങ്കില്‍
ദുഃഖവും പ്രശ്നങ്ങളും എല്ലാം മാറി അയാള്‍ സന്തോഷവാനായിത്തീരും. 

നല്ല കൂട്ടുകാരന്‍, നല്ല വേലക്കാരന്‍, നല്ല ഭാര്യ അല്ലെങ്കില്‍ നല്ല മുതലാളി... ഇതൊക്കെ കിട്ടാന്‍ എളുപ്പമാണോ?  ആലോചിക്കേണ്ട കാര്യമാണത്

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