Do not meddle with one’s own intense faiths and beliefs

 

If you appreciate the background for this discussion you will understand what I said.

I am not insisting that Jathakams should be compared or marriages stopped on that basis..

I am basically not against even different sects of brahmins joining together in marriage.. And for that matter I do not consider even inte-racial or inter-caste marriages as wrong.

My remark was made in a discussion where they were saying that Rama and Sita or Vishnu and Lakshmi or Uma and Shankara or Ganga and Shiva did not compare horoscopes and married.. So we should not.. They were just ridiculing the idea of astrology totally.

If the parents and those who are close agree that there is no need to compare horoscope, there is no issue.

Horoscope comparison does not arise from our Vedic of smartha traditions.. 

That I have made very clear.

But if the persons closely connected and whose lives are at stake feel that there should be such match... others have no right to ridicule such idea. That is all

Ultimately in marriages, if there is some haggling over horoscope match and marriage happens in spite of that, and something unwanted happens, the parties who believed in horoscope would snatch this opportunity of harass the hapless victims.. Especially the parents or siblings on both sides can be the culprits.. And life can become a prolonged misery..

I just said. Do not meddle with one’s own intense faiths and beliefs..

That is not any invitation to become superstitious.

And just because the vedic jyothisham has nothing to do with marriage match we cannot say that the treatises by later authors and sages (many of them are revered like gods themselves) regarding marriage match are all not valid. There are solid texts especially in the Kerala Jyothisha tradition which prescribe the marriage criteria.. That may not be found in the Vedic period

But then even many prayers and stotram like Vishnu Sahasranama or Lalitha Sahasranamam are not parts of Vedas.. Vishnu sahasranama is at least a part of itihasa.. but lalitha sahasranamam and many other prayers and stotras are part of not so important puranams.. That does not belittle the importance of such stotrams.. Agamas are not parts of Vedas.. Tantras too are not part of Vedas.. Our pooja rituals and many other activities are governed not only by Vedas but many other derivative texts.. At best the only condition would be that the ideas contained in the later rituals should not be opposed to the ideas of Vedas. It was simply that such practices were not there in Vedic times. They came into vogue just four or five centuries ago..

Hinduism and Brahminism are wide-spectrum treatises.. There can be diametrically opposite views at the far ends of the spectrum. And no one can say for sure what the right way is. Or right path..

The best way for the Individual is to follow the path which appears for him safe.. If he has solid company in that path, he is safer.

 

Many of the rituals in marriage are just by tradition

 

In fact there are no standardized marriage mantras.. Many of the rituals in marriage are just by tradition and they have little Vedic significance. The tenth mandala of Rig Veda contains certain mandatory incantations and parts of Veda. in Krishna Yajur Veda ekagnikandam etc describe certain procedures. I have gone through many posts in the web claiming that they contain the marriage mantras, and some web scholars have given meanings in their own ways. However, I am not at all sure about the completeness and authenticity of such posts.

In addition, at present, immediately after the core function, they finish off all rituals up to Sesha Homa before the couple leave the dais. The samavartanam has lost its meaning because only a brahmachari who was studying Vedas qualify for that.

In this backdrop, it is your choice to accept or reject whatever the web Brihaspathis of the current generation write , or whatever they post in social media - Wee usually accept their views, but alternately we can choose to put them in the places they deserve.

First of all mangalya dharanam is not a Vedic ritual.. it is only incidental.. Is this mantram mangalyam tantunaanena from any Veda? I have not found it anywhere and I trust it is only a loukeeka mantram. In Brahmin marriage, the Kannyakas dhanam, panigrahanam and saptapadhi are the significant and there are Vedic mantras for panigrahanam and saptapadhi. Kanyakaadaanam is just like any other dhanam. A gift of a Kanya to a Groom who is treated as Lord Vishnu himself.

The importance of gold in Hindu and Indian lore is beyond normal imagination

 

The importance of gold in Hindu and Indian lore is beyond normal imagination.

Hiranyaretas the one who is having gold (molten) as semen is an epithet attributed to Lord Shiva, Agni, Sun and Adityas.

Hiranyaretas is a word used in the celebrated Adityahridayam of Ramayanam.

The Goddess of wealth Lakshmi is Hiranyavarana, Hiranmayee

When the parents give a girl in marriage, the Vedas prescribe that they must decorate her with as much gold ornaments as possible.

The Kanyakaadaanam mantram is-

कन्यां कनकसंपन्नां कनकाभरणैर्युताम् । दास्यामि विष्णवे तुभ्यं ब्रह्मलोकजिगीषया ॥ विश्वंभरः सर्वभूतसाक्षिण्यः सर्वदेवताः । इमां कन्यां प्रदास्यामि पितृणां तारणाय च ॥

"Respected Groom, you are Lord Vishnu Himself. I am giving you as a solemn gift the nubile girl who is very rich in Gold, whom we have decked with huge quantity of Gold ornaments. I am making this gift because I am desirous of attaining brahmaloka. May all the gods and the Supreme Being who occupies and holds this universe in place be witnesses to this gift. I am presenting this female child to this groom so that the departed souls of my family may attain eternal deliverance."

Every gift or Dakshina of offering made to God or other exalted persons whom we revere as God, was in gold or content of gold that formed part of that coin or material.

हिरण्यगर्भ गर्भस्तं हेमबीजम् विभावसोः अनन्तपुण्य फलदं . Here again the gold is treated as the semen of Vibhaavas or Fire.

I was just mentioning this because the emotional attachment of an Indian to Gold is not just materialistic.

Kanyakaa Dhaanam

Kanyakaa Dhaanam

We do not gift away our daughters simply like that. No father or brother takes leave of or sends away his daughter or sister with happiness. The Pathos of the Fourth Act of Shakuntalam where Sage Kanva sheds tears of blood while sending Shakuntala to her husband’s place. You have to read it only with a feel that you have your heart turned with a wrench... The Laja Homam just after the marriage where the brides brother fills her hands with puffed paddy to be offered to Agni.. As a prayer of longevity for the bridegroom... I shall try to reproduce the mantras below... It tells a ll.

Laja Homa

After the Kanya-dan, the young bride may feel that both she and her brothers have been born in the same house and both have equal rights for affection and affluence but she is going to another family. To reassure her that she need not feel such separation the brothers give to their sister the Laja (parched rice) for offering in the fire. The idea symbolically is that just as we transplants paddy plants from their original germinating ground to another field to facilitate proper growth and yield of crop, the girls have to be married off to another family just to ensure widespread growth. It is clear from this that the girls cannot remain in their father’s house forever.

By filling the stretched palms of their sister to the full, with Lajas the brothers assure her that whenever she will go from her father’s house to her husband’s house, the brothers will be always there to provide her with whatever she wants. It is the practice in affectionate families that whenever a sister visits she will never go empty handed to her own house. In addition, we can witness this this implied gesture even if the brother is ninety years old and the sister is eighty.

It is with such reassured and happy mind that the bride offers three oblations of the Lajas-parched rice in the fire through her husband and recites the following three

mantras ; —

अर्यम्णं देवं कन्या अग्नियक्षत सनो देवः प्रेतो मुञ्चतु मा पतेः॥

ॐ इयं नार्युपब्रूते लाजानवपन्तिका आयुष्मानस्तु मे पतिरेधन्ता ज्ञातयो मम।

ॐ इमान् लाजानावपाम्यग्नौ अमृद्धिकरणम् तव मम तुभ्यं च संवननं तदग्निरनुमन्यतामियत्।

aryamṇaṁ devaṁ kanyā agniyakṣata sano devaḥ preto muñcatu mā pateeḥ||

om iyaṁ nāryupabrūte lājānavapantikā āyuṣmānastu me patiredhantā jñātayo mama|

om imān lājānāvapāmyagnau amṛddhikaraṇam tava mama tubhyaṁ ca saṁvananaṁ tadagniranumanyatāmiyat|

The first mantra signifies that she is propitiating god Aryma and is bidding adieus to her parents and brothers and with mixed feeling going away from her father’s house to her husband’s house, God Aryma may not ever separate her from her husband

A very lofty idea is enshrined in this mantra-the bride never would entertain even in the remotest corner of her mind the idea of separation from her husband. That is why in Hindu marriage even the idea of divorce is entirely missing. In the second mantra, she seeks the benedictions of her brothers and relatives for the long life of her husband and in turn wishes them all-round prosperity.

In the third mantra addressing her husband she says, “My Lord and husband, by offering the oblations of Lajas in the fire I pray to God that our mutual love should always remain strong and firm There is. a deep significance in the act of the bride in not offering the Lajas herself to the Agni, even though given by her brothers, but she hands it over to the husband to offer the same to the fire. If the wife forms the kernel of the rice, the husband is the outer protective shell, which also carries in its tip the cells for germination, and the kernel separated from the shell cannot grow further, the wife without the presence of the husband has no significance. The vice versa is equally important. Shiva and Shakti cannot remain without the presence of one another. The bride in good faith is requesting the Gods with offer of the puffed rice that her life with her husband should ever be without separation.

In our society, just because the girl goes to the husband’s house she does not lose her hold in the life and love of her parents, brothers and sisters.. No Shubhakaryam or even negative occurrences can and will happen in the household of a brother without the presence of the sister and vice versa. Nothing ever goes on without the presence of Athai and Mama. The son born of the daughter has to pay oblations to the pitrus of three generation of maternal grandparents... on every Amavasya. And in life, can the affection be any less when a ninety year old brother and his eighty eight year sister meet.. Even at that age the brother will be afraid of the sister.

In Kerala apart from Palakkad Iyers who simply follow the Smartha rites of Tamil Iyers, the Nambuthiris, who are the nearest to Indigenous Brahmins of Kerala ( though the traditions is that Parasurama brought them from Andhra) and Pottis, Imbradiris, Bhats, etc who have become a part of Kerala but who have come from Karnataka, all have this Kanyakaadaanam.. Even the Nairs, Thiyyas or Ezhuvas, who form the majority Hindu sections in Kerala, have a ritual where the father of the Bride, holds the hand of the girl and leads her to the spot of marriage(dais) and hands over that hand to the bridegroom and the parents and the sisters of the groom also form part of the ceremony.. And this Kanyakadhanam is not restricted to Tamil Brahmin culture.. The famous statement of Janaka “ Iyam seetha mama suthaa sahadharmacharee thave, prateecha chainaam bhadram te paanim grihneeshwa paaninaa.....” the father giving the hand of the daughter to the bridegroom is an iconic act, of National Import..

Socially, the father handing over the hand of the daughter to the groom is a firm declaration on the fidelity and sacredness of the relations between the father and the mother of the bride first. And vindication of the institution of marriage as such.. Most of the human beings take pride in the identification of the paternal pedigree. As one cans easily identify the mother... and since there were no DNA tests in those days, this ritual was a moment of bliss for the father and the mother of the daughter and the boy. In addition, in Vedic marriages, the presiding preceptors would announce the names of even twenty-one generations of the fathers of the boy and girl at least three times. Nowadays they announce only the names of father, paternal grandfather and the paternal great-grandfather of the groom and the bride.

A marriage wish from Atharvavedam

A marriage wish from Atharvavedam

इहेवामिन्द्र सं नुत चक्रवाकेव दम्पती। प्रजयर्नौ स्वस्तकौ विश्वमायुर्व्यश्नुताम्।

It is a mantram kandam 14 ch 2 mantram 64 of Atharvana Veda,

Meaning

The prayer is addressed to Indra.. The newly married couple are presented before Indra.. And it is prayed

Lord Indra... Please join together this married couple for ever in deep bond of affection as if they are a pair of Chakravaka birds.

May they live for a very long period, being blessed with children and grandchildren, may they enjoy robust health and great position is life for ever, and may they have a long long period of marital bliss of togetherness..

(Chakravaka birds are famed to be faithful to their mates..They never change partner. They would prefer to die rather than choosing another partner if one partner departs)

first line

इन्द्र Indra

इह एव here itself

इमौ दम्पती this couple

चक्रवाकेव like chakravaka birds

संनुत bring together

(Indra imau dampathee chkravaka iva sam nuta )

indra bless this couple to be as happy together as a chakravaka couple.

Second line

इमौ these two

प्रजयनौ having lot of children

स्वस्तकौ living with health and peace

विश्वं huge, long

आयुः life

व्यश्नुताम् may spend

The couple may live a long life with lot of children health and peace.

( Imau prjanayau svastakau vishvam AayuH vyashnutaam)

sub sects in marriage

My two cents on too much dependance on strictly following sub-sects, sects etc in marraiges, with special reference to my species, the Iyers or south Indian brahmins. With change of some words and phrases these ideas could apply in a universal canvas too....

The degree of conservatism varies.. conservatism can be based on Inertia or tendency to just carry on with the pattern existing for years.

Conservatism can be based on expediency.. the sects somehow termed superior over the ages would love to maintain that soap bubble because the Vadama or whatever superior tag, though assumed would give them some advantage or sort of compensation for inadequacies on other counts..

Even when the general pattern is universally accepted, some sects who are generally seen as lower down in the scale, make a lot of noises and try to bring in authorities and endorsement to have them declared as superior..

All these tendencies work in a very subtle manner these days, quite against the noisy scenes created by middle aged females and paattees or old thathas..

But most of the Iyers are conservative even when they are covered by tweed coats or denim skirt, and brag of some residence in some part of USA or England or Australia or even Namibia..

And Iyers will not like what I say below, and I am not a social revolutionary, but where exactly is the law that brahmins should marry brahmins alone?

If you are opposing conservatism sincerely, how can you maintain the stand that there should be marriage within the caste alone.? Alternately if there can be a stand that region, subsect, language etc should be considered, that alone cannot be called as conservatism

..

Personally, I would prefer to have and if necessary modify my own rules for marriage within my own circle of relatives and influence, and would attempt to follow a family pattern, (because ultimately only the close family counts.. and the messiahs in the Facebook would not be seen anywhere when the chips are down) and would never try to criticize or even air views in social media.. It is absolutely meaningless to called certain acts alone as conservatism